The Ball Theory

I have a theory. It's a masterful theory that will earn me millions of dollars when I'm a successful psychiatrist. I've named it the "Ball Theory". Not terribly imaginative but it's a work-in-progress.
Now, I know you're all excited and at the edge of your seats, waiting in eager anticipation of my celebrated "Ball Theory" but calm yourselves. Don't rush me; I'm an eccentric genius.
Ok, ok. Enough of tooting my own horn (as my dear Maggie would say). I will continue with my theory.
The way I see it, everyone's balancing on balls. Some people have this balancing act down-pat and never fall off. Others fall off much too often and have to resort to drugs and alcohol to help them stay on the ball. When we're on our balls, we're balanced, calm, sane and we have everything under control. The problem starts when the balance begins to shift and we can feel ourselves slipping. Upon feeling this slight shift, we begin to move around, trying to fix it, to bring back the equilibrium and restore peace to our universes. Sometimes it can be prevented; in other cases, the danger cannot be averted and we find ourselves dangling off the side of the ball. In this situation, we try to cling on for dear life. You see, the space below the ball is an empty, cavernous hole which is pitch black and terrifying. The fear of that empty space causes us to scramble, to get back on top but once we're off, we can't get back on without help. What we don't realize is that there are people down there, waiting to catch us. They're the people we call our best friends. They know we're falling; they want to help us, to save us, to keep the darkness away. We can't see them in the dark since our fear clouds our vision but they are down there. One of them will catch us and place us gently on our ball. But they're human, too and when we slip, they may not see us. Which leaves us lying flat on our backs staring at the faint glimmer of the ball above us. It seems so close but we can't bring ourselves to get up and grab at it. Then the hands reach down and offer themselves to us. The difficulty we encounter at this point is reaching out and grabbing those hands. Sometimes, the hands are insistent; they grab us and pull us to our feet. Other times, they're patient. But they eventually pull us to our feet and place us on our ball. Sometimes, when we feel ourselves slipping, we call out and our friends hop to us, each on their own ball and surround us with their presence. They won't let us fall off. Once stability has been restored, they return to their own positions. Often times, we are recruited to help our friends. At that point, we will help them the way they helped us.
So there. There is my ball theory! Isn't it a wonderful theory? Yes. It is. Thank you for agreeing with me!

Imagination

I was daydreaming in math class when I should have been listening to Mr. Hen telling us about classifying shapes. BO-ORING! My daydream was so much better. In it, James Marsden swept into the classroom (wearing the blue striped sweater that he's wearing in the picture that I have in my agenda) and takes me away from it all, leaving the object of my desires weeping for loss of me. However, this led me to an interesting idea. Life is generally better IN my head. Wonderful! Now I sound crazy but before you brand me as a psycho hear me out. In my head, I always say the right thing. I never mess up or mumble or sound stupid becuase my tongue suddenly feels thick and heavy. I always know what to do when someone starts crying even if in real life, I'm paralyzed by the horrifying reality of those tears. In my head, apologies make everything all right again. In my head, I'm always right. I'm gorgeous, graceful and elegant too! I get everything I want. Guys trip over themselves to be by my side. Most importantly, I do whatever I want in my head. If I want a guy, I get the guy. ALWAYS! If he has a girlfriend, my beauty steals him away. But then reality kicks and I realize the dreadful truth of my existence. I might get the words right once in a while but I'll always not know what to say. Apologies don't always make memories go away, no matter how much you meant it. I'm generally wrong. I'm not gorgeous, I'm trip or hurt myself too much to be graceful and I'm way too loud to be elegant. Guys like me as a friend and that's about it; this the only part I'm glad about though it seems rather glamorous to have band of love-struck followers. The worst part about my head is the fact that I never get the guy. Well, I did once. That didn't work out too well. My head gives me hope; reality lets me down with harsh bump. In my head, he always confesses to having loved me his entire life. In reality, I can barely get him to look in my direction nor have I known him my entire life........
BUT! It's not all clouds and rainfall. There is one aspect that I imagined that came true. I dreamt/wished/hoped dearly for a group of friends who would always be there for me, who would joke with me, make me feel better no matter what. I always wished for the light banter and inside jokes of the high school cliques you see on T.V. It came true! I have my beloved Fab Five and I also have Jeet and Colin who deliver the often much needed (over)dose of testosterone. I have a friend for everything too! I have Maggie to make horrible puns and obssess about writing with, Shifa to read my mind, Catherine to confide in and freak out with, Farwa to say the right thing at the right time or do the right thing at the right time (which sometimes gets me injured =P), Jeet to make me laugh no matter what my mood is, Christina to debate historical stuff and discuss medical thingies with, Ashwin to harass me about languages and boss me around (also to provide me with amusement when I play around with his stickies) and Colin to embarrass (sorry) and be cool with. Truthfully, I have everything I really need. So maybe life isn't better in my head becuase no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to imagine up a set of friends as amazing as you guys.
Wow. This went from a discussion of my imagination to a sappy, affectionate blog about how amazing my friends are. Sheesh. I'm getting soft.

I'm such a hypocrite. I urge other members of our class to blog (mainly to hush up one very LOUD member of my group) and completely neglect my OWN blog. But I shall NO LONGER neglect this wonderful blog page and will write on regular basis. Of course, most people who know me well will know that I'm lying and I probably forget about this sooner rather than later. BUT NOW I HAVE A TOPIC! An amusing one, too!
It's about quiet people. You know who I'm talking about. If you don't, let me specify. The quiet, gentle sort who rarely speak louder than a whisper, never get angry, keeps their thoughts to themselves and drive you mad with the desire to know what the hell they're thinking. You know the kind. We all do. I've always wondered what goes in the minds of these silent thinkers. Well, I hope they're thinkers. I guess it would be pretty boring to be that quiet AND not having anything going through your mind. In any case, I know at least of TWO of the notorious 'mute' ones in our class are smart. But I've lost my point. Ah! I found it again. These people bother me immensely mainly because I'm a very outgoing (that's a gentle word) person and usually, if not always, speak my mind and generally speak it very loudly. The idea of not saying the first thing that comes to my mind (if it passes the 'shut up filter' test) is preposterous and I wish I could emulate these qualities that I fear/admire. Maybe I should stalk Nancy around for a day and try to copy her.
It is my general opinion that the quiet ones (as they shall now be referred to) have some sort of hidden agenda. Not Nancy; she's way too sweet. But the other ones....I'm almost CONVINCED that the quiet ones have a murderous streak in them that will one day be revealed. Or maybe they'll be presidents/prime ministers and choose that time to reveal their masochistic side and the country will be turned into a dictatorship that will rival the reigns of Saddam Hussein, Fidel Castro, Mussolini but not Hitler because I don't think they're capable of THAT. But maybe they'll put all gifted kids in concentration camps. I can't lie; I've often daydreamed of doing that very thing. What if they don't have murderous or evil intentions? Maybe they've got a secret WILD SIDE! I can imagine the quiet ones going to university and letting it all go. Getting drunk and high and having random sex with strangers.....naw, I can't see it. What I can see is massive sexual repression. (again, this completely and utterly excluding Nancy and other 'innocents' because they fit into an entirely different category that I also don't understand) But I do have justification for this allegation. Guys and girls interact with each other and through the process of the day, flirt constantly. Or at least, overuse sexual ennuendoes and idolize good looking strangers in order to release the hormones. But the quiet ones....they never say ANYTHING and often don't interact with many people outside of their gender; so unless they're gay, which I highly doubt they are, I don't understand where all that sexual energy goes! Don't try to deny it; we're all guilty of it those sexual feelings. We're teenaged so we're supposed have raging hormones. Most of us have it in control with an occasional illict thought or unwarranted urge to kiss someone. But that's becuase we can release in harmless ways such as FLIRTING which the quiet ones don't do! DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS?
Yet now, I'm struck by a thought. What if they DO flirt and we/I just don't notice it becuase they're....well....you know....quiet? *gasp* My theory of sexual repression in quiet people could be ruined! Oh well, I still have murderous one. But anyway, I invite all the quiet ones especially the ones who miraculously find their voices online to comment here and give me insight into their confusing minds. For the others, if you share my fear.....you've probably already expressed it but express it again. It makes for amusing reading.

Damn the Priest

Interesting title, eh? Well, the priest in question is the stupid head priest(is that what they're called? guess so) at St. Martin de Porres. I'm a very opinionated person and I'm proud of it. I try to always stay respectful of other people's thoughts and feelings as should a PRIEST. Before I continue my rant, I should probably recount what happened.
Sunday. Church. Snooze fest, I know. It's time for the announcements which take place just before the final blessing and dismissal. This happened to be right after Henry Morgentaler (i'm pretty sure that's his name) got the Order of Canada for legalizing abortion. So our priest approaches the pulpit and begins to tell us about the horrible affliction that has cursed this land. I finally tune in (not because I particularly LIKE horrible afflictions but they are certainly more interesting than being preached at) just in time to hear him tell us that the only way the Catholic church will be listened to is if we burn the Parliament buildings. Can you imagine my shock and dismay? Okay, so I wasn't exactly dismayed (I get very happy when priests end up with their feet in their mouths) but I certainly was shocked. Of course, he immediately retracted and said that he was joking. At this point, I was trying hard not to burst out laughing. However what he said next wiped the smile off my face. "Anybody who doesn't feel strongly against abortion clearly isn't aware of Catholic principles and should reconsider the basis of their faith." Well that got me seriously pissed off! I happen to agree with legalized abortion even though I DON'T support abortion itself. I figure, the women are going to do it anyway. At least, they'll have a clinic to go to as opposed to a backalley with an old lady ripping apart uteruses with hangers (I'm not making that shit up). But who is HE to say that if you don't agree with what he's saying, you're a bad Catholic? I couldn't really careless if he was insulting my faith; it's not like it's strong or anything. (there's a possiblity I'm angry for the sake of being angry) It's the fact that priests shouldn't say stuff like that and expect complete agreement from everybody within their congregation. It's this sort of black and white view that makes me disgree with religion so much! They only consider the deaths of the babies. But what about the pain/mutilation/death of the mothers? You can say that it's the woman's fault for going to the clinic in the first place but the woman's condition isn't always her fault! If it's a careless teenager, it's different than if it was a rape victim or a woman in an abusive relationship who's too scared to leave. Those are very real possibilities and unless you've been in a position like that, you can't even begin to understand. In any case, is that saying that teenagers deserve to have their uteruses practically ripped out? Shit happens and while I agree that the children shouldn't have to pay for the sins of their parents, it's going to continue happening so at least let it be done right. And I'd rather not have my personal views by INSULTED by a priest who's supposed to guide not demand. Plus he's the moron that chose celibacy over sex anyway so he'll never have to worry about his girlfriend getting pregnant. Then again this could into the murky waters of Catholic priests and young children but that's a different rant.

Hello

So I did it. I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea; posting my thoughts on a public forum for all to see. But then I realized. No one's really going to look at it anyway so why not? I thank all those who will actually take the time to read these useless posts but I'm sure most of you have something better to do with your time. *coughshifacough*
You may wonder what I intend to talk about on this blog. The truth is I have no definite plan. Anything that pops into my head will then be typed out by my fingers. Since my mind is a very messy place with thoughts and story ideas strewn everywhere, I will apologize for this blog being very messy with thoughts and stories strewn throughout the posts. But I can promise you one thing. Expect rants. Lots of them.
If I start discussing boys, stop me. If I ever try to drink the energy drink, Monster, stop me but that's a different story for a different post.......Sorry....my thoughts escaped me for a second. Anyways, this is supposed to be a hello post not a novel so I think I shall end here and go stare an empty Word document, willing my mind to think up something to write.